I was naïve to think that breastfeeding came naturally to a new mom. But that’s exactly what I thought: you give birth and your child instinctively knows how to breastfeed from day one. Boy was I wrong – breastfeeding doesn’t come naturally to everyone. It’s hard, it’s a commitment, but it’s also so very rewarding.
I remember sitting in my hospital bed, a day or so postpartum, attempting to nurse my son. With the help of a hospital lactation nurse, I was told how to hold my son and bring him to my breast using a taco method, and then informed I had to switch him to the other breast after so many minutes. It was a lot to remember and deal with postpartum, but I knew many women and friends before me had done this, so why shouldn’t I? My nipples were so sore in the hospital, and something didn’t feel right. The hospital team established that my son wasn’t nursing properly, so I was given nipple shields to ease my pain. But wearing them would still allow me to nurse. I was told this was just a temporary fix, and that my son would get the hang of it soon enough. I was also told he may have a tongue tie that would need to be addressed later, which I found was a common diagnosis for babies that couldn’t latch. At home, I’d nurse on demand, all through the day and night, and my son would nurse for 30-40 minutes at a time, approximately every two hours in the beginning… and I thought this was entirely too long, it should be taking 10-15 minutes max on each side, so something wasn’t right. He was gaining weight at doctor visits, and no one felt the tongue tie, as I was originally informed was the issue, so no one was concerned. And yet I was relying heavily on the nipple shields for each feed, and so exhausted from nursing and managing on little to no sleep.
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A month in, I decided I needed help. I sought a lactation consultant (my first ever solo car ride away from home with my newborn, and that was an adventure in and of itself), who sat with my son and I, and shared tips/tricks/pointers for his poor latch. I also bought some Mama Earth’s Nipple Butter and expensive Silver Nursing Cups on Amazon to help with the cracks and pain I was dealing with – both were lifesavers, by the way. I joined a virtual lactation group (thanks, Covid!) and met many moms going through similar difficulties, which was reassuring. I also found Instagram accounts for support and guidance. Family reminded me that I could stop nursing and use formula instead, but I was adamant that I would nurse my son; ‘quitting is not an option’ was my internal motto. The lactation consultant also taught me how to use my breast pump, which I thought was a genius idea and a great compromise since nursing was still painful: I could still pump and feed my son. So I switched to exclusively pumping, and built up quite the freezer stash of milk. However, pumping wasn’t any easier for me. I struggled with pumping during the day, as I was hooked up to the pump and couldn’t move, but I still needed to have my son nearby, so I used a bouncer or put him on the floor nearby, and pumping took a while, too. The flanges also weren’t very comfortable, but I found that putting olive oil in the flange first helped a lot.
After three months of this tiresome practice, and incorrectly thinking I had to pump every two hours, even at night and even after my son was gaining weight, I decided to gamble and not pump or use the nipple shields. It was a last-ditch effort, and by some miracle, we started to nurse naturally, and my son and I just got ‘it’ – it clicked for both of us. Eventually, on St. Patrick’s Day, I decided to sleep through the night for the first time, as my son (and husband!) had been sleeping through the night for a few months now, and I was somewhat annoyed that I would still be getting up to pump. It was probably the best sleep I’ve ever had, but I also woke up painfully full and leaking milk. Still, it was worth it!
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At that point, we started to nurse naturally, on demand, and I was so proud to be able to figure it out as a new mom and to provide sustenance for my son. I started to look forward to nursing and offering it whenever he needed; breastfeeding was such a great bonding experience, and we fell into a routine… OUR routine. I would nurse to help him nap and go to sleep, and I loved that I could provide comfort and food to my son. However, nursing had its drawbacks. I felt tied to my son and unable to leave him in case he needed to nurse. I experienced multiple clogged ducts, and found that warm showers, heating pads, and sunflower lecithin pills were my friends. Leaking occurred, and I woke up full every morning. I was somewhat uncomfortable nursing in public, but finally got over that hang-up as I prioritized my son’s need to eat rather than anyone else’s opinion of us.
After 15 months of breastfeeding, I felt it was time to wean my son. It was an emotional and bittersweet time, as I had grown used to our daily nursing routine, and the very special bond we created together. Yet I knew it would be good for both of us to be done nursing. I had surpassed my personal goal of nursing for 12 months, but I was also nervous about how my body would feel while weaning, so I kept nursing until I was mentally strong enough to be done. It took about three weeks to officially stop producing milk, and I did it by offering the breast less and cutting our nursing time by a few minutes here and there, so eventually, one day, my son just didn’t look for me to nurse. It was, of course, sad when that day came, because I knew my son was growing up and becoming more independent, not needing me as he once did. But it was also exciting and freeing for me to be done with nursing, and it felt nice to have my body back for myself.
Looking back at our nursing journey, I recognize it was very challenging and required extra assistance to get us to a comfortable point with it, but I am so glad we persisted. I loved our mother-son bond, and felt closer as a result. I know that breastfeeding is an individualized experience, but if it’s possible for a mom and child, I am all for it. If you need help while nursing, seek it – that really was the game changer for me when I had outside support and guidance. I share my best wishes to all moms just starting breastfeeding or are even months in to this journey; as the adage goes, ‘the days are long, but the years are short’ certainly rings true.
