I always wanted to be a mom. I dreamt of the day it would come so much. But now, here, today, my true life secret? I don’t always like my kids. In fact, sometimes I can’t stand them.
No one talks about this part of parenting. In fact, as a pregnant mom, it was the exact opposite. Our heads are filled with ideas of being calm and collected over the bad stuff, taking it better than our parents did… and meanwhile, adoring every cute moment over the next 18 years. And in so many ways, that is true. I love my children, so much that at times, it hurts. There are so many moments when they make me unbelievably proud — when they tackle something hard, or do something even though they’re scared. Moments when they show kindness, sharing with each other or including other kids in their playtimes. When they sleep at night, there are so many times that I just gaze down at their tiny faces, and am struck with so much love that it hurts.
But my God, sometimes I can’t help but really, really dislike them.
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Is this normal? It feels like it’s not, but deep down, I have to believe that I’m not the only mom who experiences this. While I always love my kids, sometimes I just cannot stand them in certain moments. The whining, the non-stop fighting, the utter and complete lack of gratitude, the selfishness. In those moments, part of me thinks — just for a second — that my kids are just unlikable little brats. I’d still die for them, but I really wish I didn’t have to be around them.
I can only guess that this is the true life part of motherhood that no one talks about.
And you know what? It seems to span across age ranges. Whether it’s a five-year-old or a teenager, there are always these times. There are always these moments when they are just awful. And it’s then that I question everything. Does this mean that I’m a bad mom? Maybe I never should have done this. Maybe I’m not raising them right. Should I be doing something differently? Is it natural to feel this way? Can mothers dislike their children, and still be good mothers?
But ultimately, every time, I come back to realizing that this is normal… and it’s OK. Parenthood is hard. That’s the true life secret we’re never really prepared for, is just how hard being a mom is going to be. But it doesn’t make it any less valuable or worthwhile. And there are always going to be those moments when I really, really just do not like my kids. What I’ve learned is that those moments are always temporary. What’s permanent is the unconditional love I always feel for them… even when they’re being the world’s biggest brats.
Due to the sensitivity of this topic, the author wishes to remain anonymous.
