Raise your hand if you remember the Marie Kondo craze from a few years ago! If not, let me remind you: Marie Kondo is a Japanese personality who is an organizing expert, an author, and a TV personality. Her Konmari method swept the globe after Netflix gave her a TV series — Tidying Up with Marie Kondo, and suddenly, everyone became obsessed with whether or not something “sparked joy.”
Today, Marie Kondo has three kids of her own. And like the rest of us normal parents, she’s realized that tidying up… is kind of impossible.
Look, I have nothing against Marie Kondo. The method behind her madness, so to speak, actually makes a lot of sense. It’s really easy for people to form emotional attachments to their things, and just throwing them away can feel almost like a betrayal. That’s especially true for parents. This onesie is the one Ben was wearing when he walked for the first time! That ball is the one Dad used the first time he played catch with the kids!
So Marie Kondo encouraged us to honor those memories and feelings. You went through your things, and held them for a moment. Does it spark joy? If yes, then you keep it. If no, then you thank the item for what it has given you, and send it on its way. Sounds good, right? Because it is! It makes perfect sense. The problem is, when you have kids — and even worse, when you’re like me and you’re halfway to a full roster football team — there is no tidying up. Everything is a perpetual state of mess. You throw three toys away, nine more somehow take their place, like some kind of sinister toddler toy magic.
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Being a parent is hard enough without feeling like the world is judging you for yet another thing. And let’s be honest, the world does judge moms, all the time. Bottle-feeding or breastfeeding, working or staying home with the kids, public school or homeschool, attachment parenting or free range… everything we do comes under attack. Our messy houses are just one more thing people can use to attack us, when all we’re trying to do is get through the damn day.
The Washington Post interviewed Marie Kondo because she has another book coming out (Marie Kondo’s Kurashi at Home: How to Organize Your Space and Achieve Your Ideal Life, in case you’re wondering). She had her third child in 2021, and she’s got the healthiest outlook EVER towards tidying up while balancing kids intent on wrecking everything.
“Tidying up means dealing with all the ‘things’ in your life. So, what do you really want to put in order?” her book says, according to the Washington Post. Kondo told them in an interview, “My home is messy, but the way I am spending my time is the right way for me at this time at this stage of my life.”
Her advice is pretty realistic, too: she advises readers to come up with a “joy” routine and stick with it for 10 days. After that, reassess and see if it’s making you feel happier. And of course, part of the change in her mindset is from becoming a mom. “Up until now, I was a professional tidier, so I did my best to keep my home tidy at all times,” she said. “I have kind of given up on that in a good way for me. Now I realize what is important to me is enjoying spending time with my children at home.”
Honestly, when did Marie Kondo become so relatable? If you’re ready for more, PEOPLE revisited an interview they did with her from 2020 that makes me want to stand up and cheer.
“There was a time when my schedule was so packed, I was physically and mentally exhausted. I also happened to be pregnant with my first child, and the pressure took a toll on my mind and body. Sometimes I couldn’t control my emotions and would burst into tears at the end of the day,” she said. “I used to be a perfectionist, but it became difficult to maintain that standard after having my children. So much was out of my control. I hope my openness on the subject will help others to ease up on impossible standards. I gave up on perfectionism a while ago!”
What should this tell us? When even Marie Kondo, the tidying expert, knows to give herself grace and let things go at times, then that’s clearly our sign to follow suit. As moms, we put so much on our shoulders, right? The world holds us to impossible standards, and then we beat ourselves up when we don’t meet them. But every person, every mom, every family, is different. There is no one-size-fits-all method to finding happiness and fulfillment, and as Marie Kondo has found, the best thing we can do is be flexible and roll with the punches. It’s OK to try something new for a little while. If it doesn’t work, no biggie. Is your home messier than usual? That’s OK — do what you can and focus on what gives you joy.
Because really, life is way too short to worry about anything else.
