Two things that should not coincide with one another, yet often do: navigating grief through the holiday season. As I type this, I just recently learned of another tragic loss. A friend of mine who I graduated high school with just recently passed this week, a week before Christmas, at the young age of 35, leaving behind his wife and two young children. This is the fifth loss that I’ve personally been connected with this year. To say that 2023 has been a year of sadness for me is an understatement.
This is the first year that I can remember in which I just haven’t been in the “Christmas” spirit, so to speak. What used to be joyous tasks of decorating the house, giving other presents, baking cookies, etc., just seemed to be overwhelming to me. I knew that I had to push all of my grief aside and not let it show to my three young children, one of who is celebrating her first Christmas this year. This year alone I have lost two uncles, a close friend at the age of 34, and my husband’s grandmother. I never thought that 2023 would bring four funerals that I would have to attend. As I think of the loss that I’ve faced, I am struck with how often the holidays can be a reminder of those who are no longer with us, especially those first holidays without our loved ones. Holidays are seen as moments that mark the passage of time in our lives. They are part of the milestones of life that we share with one another, and usually, they are time spent with family and close friends.
But how on Earth are we to cope with the holidays when those nearest and dearest to us are no longer with us? When you lose someone special, your world seems to stop in its tracks. It’s hard to imagine that the rest of the world is carrying on when you alone are without your loved one. Holidays can magnify this loss. The loneliness and sadness can feel isolating. My advice is to lean into your grief. Instead of pretending that you don’t hurt or that the holidays are a joyous time for you, be truthful in how you feel. Grief is love. It’s a reminder that we love so deeply, that we in turn feel that grief when those we love are no longer with us.
Here are some ways that you can remember and honor your loved one this holiday season:
- Say a prayer before your Holiday dinner about your loved one. For me, the closer to God I feel, the closer to my loved one I feel.
- Light a candle for your loved one
- Share a favorite story about your loved one
- Write your loved one a letter. Yes they may not receive it, but feeling as though you are talking with them and communicating to them can make you feel better.
- Visit their memorial or gravesite
- Place a picture of them in your home and talk to them daily, try to incorporate them into holiday events at your home.
- Get a special ornament made honoring them
- Create a new tradition that can honor your loved one who has passed. Did they have a special cookie they liked to eat or bake? Did they love to look at Christmas lights? A favorite holiday movie they loved to watch? Doing something that they loved to do can make you feel like they are still with you.
As we navigate through the holidays, remember that it is not always a happy time for all. This may be someone’s first holiday without their mother, father, brother, sister, aunt, uncle, pet etc. It is okay to be filled with grief. Do not dismiss it, but lean into it. Also, remember that Jesus is the reason for this season. Lean into Him. Talk to Him. He can take away your pain and loves you more than you will ever know.
I pray that everyone reading this has a happy, healthy, and wonderful Holiday season and New Year! Bring on 2024!
