As a young child, I was extremely anxious. I was fortunate to grow up in a loving home, but my nerves always made me feel like I was walking on eggshells. In late elementary school, this anxiety evolved into severe depression, suicidal thoughts, and obsessive-compulsive tendencies. Looking back, I’m not sure what caused such a severe downward spiral, but I know a large factor was bullying and how that affected my self-esteem. From ages 9-14, I experienced highs and lows as I struggled to navigate social situations in school and really “find” my place. I wish I could say that I sought therapy or made some huge lifestyle changes, but that wasn’t the case. I quietly suffered until I finally opened up to my mother about it. She wasn’t a therapist by any means, but she was (and is) an expert mother.
The biggest takeaway from our talks together happened when I was really struggling to fall asleep at night. I’d have these self-defeating, hateful thoughts about myself and wouldn’t be able to settle. She would stroke my hair and say softly, “Think of your happy place.” I would picture a quiet beach somewhere surrounded by loved ones. I would look out into the vastness of the waves, feel the warm sand between my toes, and hear the crash of the familiar ebbs and flows. And that’s how I fell asleep for a long time as a child. It was a powerful tool that I never knew existed in the therapy-realm until pursuing my degree in counseling: the power of visualization.
READ: Depression and Motherhood: How I Knew I Needed Help
Visualization is the process of picturing things that calm and comfort you. It can be a favorite place, person, smell, etc. But it can also be imagining yourself completing a feat, whether as you or someone else. It takes a great deal of imagination, which is why it’s such a beneficial tool for young children. Our kids have incredible imaginations! My son can spin some wild, fantastical tales about sailing the seven seas, creating a “life-altering” invention, and so on.
As visualization had such a profound impact on improving my mental health at a young age, I’ve held that tool close to my heart to use with my children (and previously my students). The biggest hurdle to teaching our children visualization is to remind ourselves that we, too, are just as imaginative and creative. We just need to tap back into that child-like state. I’ll give you an example.
My son has always had issues with potty training, and detests sitting on the toilet for long periods of time. He was fearful to use the toilet for bowel movements because he didn’t like the feeling in his belly. Here’s where visualization came in handy! Over the summer, we were at the library and found this book, Spark, by Kallie George. In the book, Spark is a small dragon who has trouble controlling his breath. Sometimes he only creates tiny sparks, and other times, he creates an out-of-control flame! However, by the end of the story, Spark learns to control his breath just in time for his birthday, as he perfectly lights his candles and then cautiously extinguishes them. It’s a great little book about self-control. All that to say, a few days later, my son was again sitting on the potty and struggling to get his business done. He was about ready to give up when I asked him to try something with me. I reminded him of our buddy Spark, and asked him to breathe like Spark did in the book. He closed his eyes, and we took three big “Spark” dragon-like breaths together: in for three counts, out for three counts. Suddenly, he was able to go to the bathroom, and slowly became less fearful of the process. It was amazing and rewarding to witness how visualization helped (long-term) during such a stressful situation.
The next time your child appears uneasy or upset, I’d encourage you to introduce them to visualization. This isn’t meant to be used during tantrums, but rather, as a precursor in hopes of preventing them from getting to that boiling point. You know your child best, so once you begin to see those telltale signs of stress, encourage them to try this strategy.
The simplest way I’ve found to introduce it is to tie it to a beloved book or television/movie character. For my son, we used a dragon character from our book. However, we’ve also used characters from Daniel Tiger, Paw Patrol, and so on. If you’ve recently gone on a family vacation, that can be helpful, too. My son loves to drift off to dreaming about the beach house we went to this past summer. I’ll have him listen to the waves, smell the salty air, and taste those delicious Duck Donuts until he’s settled.
The beauty of visualization is that it is a diverse tool that can come in handy during different times of life. I even use it when I’m overstimulated and need a few minutes to picture that happy place or envision myself overcoming an obstacle.
May you never forget the wonderful, calming gift of imagination.
